The Sweatpants That Won't Let Go

The Sweatpants That Won't Let Go

By Dr. Steve L. Robbins

I stand in my closet staring at a ridiculous collection of sweatpants, sweatshirts, and hoodies. There are the black classic Converse sweatpants with the drawstring that’s seen better days but somehow remind me of my high school days in Kennewick, Washington. My gray Lululemon joggers (not singular but plural) that I bought during a fleeting attempt at yoga during the Covid lockdown—though they’ve spent more time on my couch than in a studio. Then there’s the oversized Alo Yoga hoodie that’s so soft and comfortable it feels like a cup of Nestle hot chocolate on a cold Michigan Winter day. Oh, and let’s not forget my Hamilton zip-up hoodie, a reminder of my favorite Broadway musical that cost as much to attend as a used car. Joking, but not much.

Most everything is black or gray, and shades of black and gray. My closet looks like it belongs to someone allergic to color. But wait—there’s a sprinkle of burgundy, a dash of blue, and of course, a serving of green. The latter a nod to my time as a graduate student at Michigan State University (Go Green!). The green pullover and zip hoodies remind me of my mentor, Dr. Charles Atkin, late night research, and the commute between Grand Rapids and East Lansing. Maybe more importantly, they remind me that the world isn’t all black and white—or gray, for that matter. It’s a colorful mix of perspectives and possibilities, even if my closet tries to say otherwise.

And yet, with all this variety, I still find myself clinging to pieces that are nearly identical. Do I really need four pairs of nearly identical black sweatpants? Or five gray hoodies that could all pass for quintuplets? Probably not. Definitely not. But every time I think about parting with them, I hesitate. "You need me for our daily workouts," one pair of sweatpants whispers in my ear. "Remember that fishing trip to British Columbia?" murmurs the sweatshirt. "But I’m so soft...and expensive," reminds the gray Hamilton hoodie. Letting go of any of them feels like letting go of the moments they represent—the memories, the comfort, the identity they’ve quietly stitched into my life.

But this isn’t just about sweatpants, is it? It’s about the stories we tell ourselves and the things—or beliefs—we hold onto long past their usefulness. Why is it so hard to let go, not just of clothing but also beliefs?

Belief Persistence: The Cognitive Velcro That Binds

In much the same that I can’t seem to rid myself of rarely worn sweatpants and sweatshirts, the human brain has a difficult time parting with some beliefs. Even in the face of information to the contrary, many of us stay Velcroed to beliefs. One reason we hold onto certain beliefs—even when they are no longer useful or may cause harm—is a psychological phenomenon known as belief persistence. Once we "own" a belief, it becomes a part of who we are. Letting go feels less like discarding a belief and more like losing a piece of ourselves.

This concept was famously demonstrated in a study by psychologists Lee Ross, Mark Lepper, and colleagues. Participants were presented with fabricated evidence about whether individuals would make good firefighters based on certain personality traits. Even after the researchers revealed that the evidence was entirely false, participants continued to believe and defend the original claim. This persistence shows how tightly we cling to beliefs, even when they’re disproven, because they’re literally embedded in our cognitive framework. And once entrenched, we call up an army of arguments (sometimes not well-supported) to protect them. 

From a behavioral economics perspective, belief persistence is closely linked to confirmation bias—our tendency to seek and interpret information in ways that confirm our preexisting beliefs. This mental shortcut saves cognitive energy and reduces cognitive dissonance but keeps us corralled in echo chambers, resisting evidence that challenges our worldview (think conspiracy theories and those who hold onto them).

Neuroscience provides additional insights. When we encounter information that contradicts our beliefs, the brain’s amygdala (associated with fear and emotional processing) and insula (linked to pain perception) light up. It’s as if the brain interprets these challenges as threats, triggering emotional discomfort. This reaction explains why belief change often feels so threatening and why doubling down feels safer. 

When we encounter information that contradicts our beliefs, the brain’s amygdala—like a faithful guard dog—instinctively reacts to perceived threats. Just as a guard dog might bark at an unfamiliar sound, our amygdala "barks" at ideas that challenge our worldview, interpreting them as dangers to our sense of self. This response is accompanied by activation in the insula, which processes discomfort and emotional pain. Together, these brain regions create an internal alarm system that makes belief change feel not only threatening but also deeply unsettling.

Real-World Examples of Belief Persistence

Consider someone who has long believed that vaccines are dangerous. Despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary, they might cling to their belief by discounting mainstream science as biased or seeking out fringe sources. Why? Because admitting they were wrong would mean questioning their judgment, their identity, and perhaps even their “tribe.” Or think about the flat-Earth movement. Despite clear evidence—photos from space, for instance—members of this group persist in their belief, often rationalizing contradictory information as part of a conspiracy. 

Another example is the phenomenon of battered women clinging to the belief that their abusive partner is still fundamentally a good person. Despite clear evidence of harm and often well-meaning advice from loved ones to leave, these women may rationalize the abuse as "not really who he is" or "something I caused." This belief, though harmful, provides a sense of stability in an otherwise chaotic relationship and reflects how deeply belief persistence can entrench itself in our psyche, even when it goes against our best interests. These examples show how powerful belief persistence can be, shaping how we interpret reality.

Why Letting Go Is So Hard

Beliefs, like my old sweatpants, are often tied to emotional stories. They’re not just things we think; they’re things we feel. Letting go means acknowledging that a part of our story might need rewriting, that part of our brain needs rewiring. That’s uncomfortable, even painful. As a side note, this is also why rational, logical arguments based on objective, verified information is often not enough to get people to have a change of mind. But in a world that’s marked by constant change, one will likely need to jettison certain beliefs for growth to occur.

There’s a psychological safety in clinging to what’s familiar. Letting go often means facing uncertainty—a place our brains naturally resist going. To complicate matters, many of our beliefs are reinforced by the groups we belong to. When we question those beliefs, it can feel like questioning our place in those communities. The fear of rebuke and social isolation can make holding onto outdated ideas seem preferable to rethinking them.

Additionally, our brain thrives on patterns and efficiency. Once a belief is established, it becomes the "default setting," saving cognitive energy. Changing that belief requires effort—a rewiring of sorts—and that effort can feel daunting. It’s as if your brain is saying, “Why bother? This way has worked for so long.” But has it really worked, or has it simply been comfortable?

Neuroscience offers a hopeful insight: the brain’s neuroplasticity—its ability to form new neural connections—means we can unlearn old beliefs and adopt new ones. It’s not easy, but with repeated effort, the brain can reorganize itself, replacing outdated patterns with more adaptive ones. This process requires patience, curiosity, and, above all, humility.

Here’s the thing: while it’s hard to let go, the growth that comes from shedding outdated ideas is worth the discomfort. In letting go, we open ourselves to new insights, deeper understanding, and better decision-making. It helps to forge new relationships and repair broken ones. When we are able to declutter our mental closet—we make room for something better to take its place.

Breaking Free: A Path Forward

So, how do we let go of outdated beliefs? Start with self-awareness. Pay attention to the ideas you hold tightly and ask yourself: Why do I believe this? Is it based on current evidence, or is it something I’ve clung to out of habit or comfort? Be honest with yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable. It is in the discomfort that open ourselves to growth.

Next, cultivate curiosity. Seek out diverse perspectives—not to argue, but to listen and learn. Engaging with opposing viewpoints doesn’t mean you have to adopt them, but it can help you see the gaps or limitations in your own thinking. Curiosity is like trying on a new pair of sweatpants; you don’t have to buy them, but it helps to see how they feel. As I like to say, "be less certain and be more curious."

Practice humility. Accept that being wrong isn’t a failure; it’s part of being human. In fact, admitting our limitations, admitting when we’re wrong is a sign of strength and openness. It’s a chance to model growth for others, showing that change isn’t something to fear but to embrace.

Finally, take small steps. Letting go doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing leap. Start with one belief that you’ve outgrown or suspect might be holding you back. Explore it, challenge it, and give yourself permission to change. Growth is a process, not an event. Think of it as trying on new mental habits until they fit just right.

As for me, I finally donated some sweatpants and hoodies. The Hamilton hoodie, however? It’s still in my closet… for now. Baby steps, right?

Questions and Activities to Reflect On

1. First glance: What beliefs are you holding onto tightly? Are they still serving you, or are they holding you back?

2. Looking inward: Think of a time you encountered evidence that contradicted a deeply held belief. How did you react? What does that tell you about your relationship with that belief?

3. What if?: What if you decided to question one outdated belief this week? How might your perspective or relationships change?

4. Activity: In a small group, share one belief you’ve held onto despite evidence to the contrary. Discuss why it’s hard to let go and brainstorm ways to approach it differently.

5. This week’s challenge: Identify one belief you’re ready to reassess. Find credible, opposing viewpoints and genuinely explore them. Ask yourself how you could be wrong? Reflect on how this process feels and what you learn.